Dirty Details of Sex Therapy

Some can have an intimidated or awkward reaction to the idea of sex therapy. There are concerns of being judged or scrutinized, or being made to tell all of their sexual encounters in shameful detail. 

It’s not as scary as it sounds. Sex therapy is simply counseling or therapy that helps people with their sexual health and relationship issues. It can help couples, singles and polycules, and there are many different approaches to sex therapy. We'll discuss some common reasons why people seek out sex therapy, and some of the benefits they can experience. Plus, we'll give you a few tips on how to find a good sex therapist near you.

When should you reach out to a sex therapist?

When you have concerns or curiosities around your relationship to sex or your sexuality. Often people come to see us at different stages:

• You may not know exactly what’s up, but you have been feeling _____ (anxious, sad, avoidant, repulsed, obsessive, etc) about sex and want help putting your finger on what’s going on.

• You’re coming to terms with a part of your relationship to sex or sexuality:

  • Coming out (in various identities)

  • Deciding to open or close a relationship

  • Exploring your kinky sides

  • Acknowledging consent and boundary violations

  • Fantasies

  • New parents redefining intimacy

  • Learning more about polyamory or kink

• You want to deepen your understanding of your relationship with sex and sexuality

• You and your partner(s) want to work on issues related to sex and intimacy

  • Desire discrepancy/mismatched libidos

  • Rebuilding trust

  • Learning about sexual functioning together

• You’re experiencing issues related to sexual functioning:

  • Sex Anxiety

  • Erectile dysfunction

  • Vaginismus

  • Premature ejaculation

  • Dyspareunia

  • Difficulty or inability to reach orgasm

As you can see there’s a lot of reasons to seek out sex therapy. Sex Therapists are also licensed as therapists meaning we can address mental health and relationship issues. Sometimes clients seek out a sex therapist just to know that when the topic of sex comes up that they can openly discuss it without fear of being judged or overly pathologized.

What to Expect in Sex Therapy?

Whether you’re seeking in person or online sex therapy, the beginning process is usually the same. 

1. Find a few sex therapists that seem like a good fit

2. Have a phone consultation with them to get a sense of their personality and approach

3. Your first session or few sessions will be an assessment of your presenting issues. Meaning you’ll explain what you’re experiencing, what its been like for you, what you’ve tried to do to address it, and discuss options

4. Depending on the treatment plan you will decide on frequency and length of sessions

5. You will likely get referrals to other professionals such as ; psychiatrists, physical therapists, urologists, OB/GYN, coaches, etc.

How long should it take?

I’m sure you’re already expecting this answer: it depends. It depends on:

• what you’re trying to address

• How long you’ve been experiencing it

• If trauma is involved in the experience or your history

• Underlying mental health issues

• More pandemics 

As you can see there are lots of things in and out of your control that will impact the length of your treatment. However it doesn’t hurt to reach out and start talking to sex therapists to see what is a good option for yourself.

How should I find a sex therapist?

Might seem odd that I left this for the end but I did it intentionally. We can often get discouraged by hearing how it's hard for others to find a therapist, or you may have had difficulty finding a therapist. That’s real right now. I wanted to look at the fun parts of what you can do in sex therapy before getting to the nitty gritty of finding a therapist.

You have a few options:

• If you’re comfortable, you can ask friends if they’ve seen a sex therapist and can recommend anyone

• Ask your current therapist or doctor for a referral

• Go to therapy listings like Therapy Den where you can search for sex therapists or sex positive therapists

• Go to sex-positive therapist listings like Bay Area Open Minds 

• Make sure to seek out those who have training or education in sex and sexuality. 

  • Some like myself have an advanced degree in Sexuality Studies and have further training in sex therapy

There are also certification programs like AASECT where you can search for a provider

Feel free to set up an intake with us at Rouse to decide if we’re a good fit for you and your needs. If not, we’re happy to tell you about other therapeutic options out there.